Ronaldo

”He play’s on the left
He play’s on the right
That boy Ronaldo made England look shite!”

This chant never fails to be sang at old trafford on every match day. Its for Manchester United’s number 7 – Christiano Ronaldo.

I still remember when we (i use we cause God damn it, i bought a lot of Jerseys!) first bought him the opposition fans will always sing ”you bought the wrong Ronaldo!” Now now see who is laughing. Trying googling Ronaldo and the results you get, 10/10 are Christiano Ronaldo’s sites and not the fatty Ronaldo. Times have really change, from pint size fancy player, to muscular scoring machine.

But there is a problem with Ronaldo nowadays. I know he dives, but sometimes many tackles on him are over the hill. During the recent Villarreal game, the knee high tackle was atrocious! If i were Ronaldo, i would whack that farker back. You playing football mate? Ronaldo also always get booed across the country. Maybe because of that incident with Rooney during the world cup, or maybe because he’s too good. Anyway all of these have taken a toil on this young man (born 1985). He seems to be losing it. Nowadays he seems to get a bit agitated when a bad tackle comes in. Though not the Roy Keane style of agitated. When he was sub out during the Villa game, i think he had had enough. He argued with the fans while walking to the dressing room. Showed his finger (no not the middle 1 like Beckham), that he is number 1.

All these are signs that I feel he is losing it. Ferguson time and time again have been defending him. When he wanted to betray Man U, Ferguson brush it off that every young kids have such ambitions blah blah blah. Com’on, Mr Scottish accent, you should know better. Mr Ronaldo is not playing like he use to. Yes the goals are there, but it seems he is playing for personal glory. No more about Manchester United, its about me me me.

Another player is that Pique. He talk crap now, saying Ferguson team talk is useless etc. You are the 1 bloody useless player for God’s sake. You can’t even dribble the ball for 50yards. Good riddance!

Some people get too big for their boots. In fact many people in life commits this mistake. When they are on top, they never think that they will fall. That’s how life is.

Today going to meet the lads for soccer at Fico. Bearing no screw ups (impossible because some people boots too small) we will have about 14 people. Ok! tonight present you guys with Mr Ranaldo hahaha.

足球小将

Just very bo liao, going to write on this post. As we all now in the comic or cartoon of 足球小将, a lot of the characters got some special power. I am going to think 1 for every of my friends or people i know who kick soccer.

Ok here goes…

Chenghan aka broken leg master : Ah this brother of mine his special move will make his opponent freak out. The move goes like this. 1) 1873495 step overs. 2) Stepping on the ball to break his leg. 3) This distracts the opponent. 4) While the opponents are dumb founded, he dribbles one 1 leg past the defender. There u go! Our broken leg master.

Guowen aka Stiff Man : Guowen is 1 hell of a defender. He is tough tackling and hard. But in this mystical soccer world, hard is never hard enough. Guowen will use his deadly move and turn very very very hard stiiff when a great attacker comes along. When he turns stiff, this would knock the hell out of the defender. If everything fails, he have another specia move. He would holler ”pass it to uncle Boon”, his would make the opponent crack up and die laughing.

Weeboon aka Fly swatting Man : This is another star defender who never fails to ”block” attackers with his imposing size. But as we know, he still needs a special move to firmly kill off all opponents. Let’s present the fly swatting move. It’s a very very slow fly swatting move, his hand would travel at 0.0000000001 km/h. This makes the opponent thing that he can siam the move, but because its so slow, its sort of a reverse psychology. Oh yah, if all else fails, he would tell the coach that he can’t play as ”tomorrow must clean room leh.”

Youjun aka The silent killer : Star defender Chen Youjun is a cool persona in the footballing world. Seldoms talks or signs autograph but still give s his best during every game. This persona comes in line with his special move. When a attacker faces him, the silence is so defeaning that the attacker suspects the match have been stop. The attacker will automatically pass the ball to him. Bravo!

Gabriel aka Ultimate Warrior : The best player in the squad. Because he have 101 moves. Thats why he is nicknamed the ultimate warrior. The many moves he have causes the opponents to be left in a confuse state. Heres why: whenever face with a difficult opponent, this all rounder takes out his badminton racket, tennis racket, ping pong bat, swimming trunks, water polo ball! Everything even bicycle if needed. This casues opponent to forget what sports are they playing, thus they fall into a hypnotise state. Scary huh?

Jianxing aka Kangaroo: Very legendary player. Seldom plays,but when he does he is way scary. Mesmorise every cheer leader there is with his sweet talk. But most importantly is his special move. This special move needs to be coupled with a heavy does of alcohol. Once Jianxing is down with alcohol, he would pick up the ball and hop pass every defender. Leaving them to bite the dust…

Zhiwei aka name caller : A top striker during his heydays. But nowadays Zhiwei needs to rely much on his special power. This move its called the ”name caller”. Whenever a defender seems to hard to get past, Zhiwei would have to make them irritated. This is made easy when he executes his move. He would go ”AG! AG! Avam Grant ! Avam Grant!” or ”Drogba is here, siam ah, i am DROGBA!”. Defenders are often left frigthen…

Calvin aka Nua King : Mr Calvin seldoms plays nowadays. But when he does, his slick move are so slick that they are really slick. To dribble past countless opponents, his body becomes so nua that no one is able to tackle him. Sometimes even his team mates get frustrated with him. Cause he is too nua to execute his nua move hahahaha.

Junyuan aka Tattoo Master : Junyuan have retired from soccer. But when needed, sometimes he heeds the call to play for his team. Not much fancy moves from this hardworking striker. But people are known to be fearful of him because rumour have it that underneath his legs a tattoo of a spider is found. Legend have it, when the spider is unleash, opponents are dead. So no one dares to try, when Junyuan threathens and talk about his tattoo, he is allowed to dribble past all defenders.

So far can think of like this… Will update soon if can think of more hahahaa. Oh yah, if you guys want to, can write 1 about me in comments section, i will add it in the post!

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My Money Is My Money, Your Money Is?

Recently i wonder if you guys read about this news. A 92 year old lady (old lady, forgot the exact age), wanted to withdraw 8 million from Ocbc but Ocbc in the end froze her account.

This is what i read from the papers. This old lady went with her daughter to take out all their fix deposits which amounted to about 8 million. But Ocbc rejected them. They then decided to CLOSE all their accounts with Ocbc to be able to withdraw the money. But after some time Ocbc replied and said they rejected for them to close the account. When the old lady tried withdrawing money, she realise she could not, as her account have been frozen. The reasons given by Ocbc was that they felf the old lady was too old to make decisions or mentally not capable to. So they felt they were protecting the money.

HAHAHAHAHA.

I dunno if writing my views will get me into trouble, but screw it, cause i feel unjust but this nonsense.

Another i understand from the newspapers was that this was a joint account with her daughter. So what is the bank trying the imply now then? That they are helping the old lady to protect the money as they are worried that now that she is mentally not capable (this is not proven) to make desicions. They are worried the daughter wants to ”take” away the money? Isnt this crap??? So the money being in the bank (letting the bank using the money to make more money) is protecting the old lady’s money?? What crap? Unbelievable.

From papers, it was stated that they sent 2 executives to the old lady’s house to interview her. And this 2 executives (most likely some banking graduates), told the bank the she seems disorientated. Oh so now i know how Ocbc sees if someone is capable to look after their own money. Eh Ocbc, when you sick you see doctor, or you go visit your banker?

Actually i thought about this matter before. If i put lots of money in banks, when i withdraw, will they prevent me? Next time i got money i think put in ‘’so ta pia” box. Hahahaha

Free Willy!

A letter to William Gallas :

Dear Mr Gallas,

Being the captain of Arsenal football club, it is your responsibility to lead the Arsenal players. But it seems in recent months and years you are beginning to become a little cranky. Not that you were not while in your Chelsea days, but you seem more like a 5 year old baby crying for breast milk now.

I know Arsene Wenger would not criticise you for you are a fearful defender. Fearful as in, threatening to score own goals, threatening to not leave the field, and worst, you would kick sponsor boards when you throw a tantrum.

Please also refrain from straying out of position. Because remember, you love to score own goals and not normal goals. So by straying out of position, it leads to you being not as fearful as before.

Please do not celebrate goals too wildly, because as you can remember, Arsenal have won nothing since the last PAP elections.

Please try to make friends with Van Persie, as he is the only star player left in the Arsenal team. Do not say he is anti social, as he dances well when he scores a goal. Unlike you, when you score, you celebrate by yourself – alone.

Do not think that you are a star player anymore, as you have never really won anything major apart from the ”i dare to score own goals” award.

Oh and yes, please stop throwing tantrums, you are over the hill.

Regards,

Anti Arsenal Fan

How Many MPs?

Ok this is funny, but THIS IS JUST A JOKE!

Q: How many MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the opposition.

Q: How many MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but don’t expect results.

Q: How many MPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, their white attires are bright enough.

Q: How many MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 82 out of 84… the other 2, any problem with that?

Q: How many MPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, that’ll be $12m please.

Q: How many MPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he’s not available until right before the next GE.

Q: How many MPs does it take to fix a light bulb?
A: None. They’re still trying to fix the opposition.

(disclaimer: this is just a joke)

The Hand Of God

The hand of God is actually the hand of a shorty who in many people’s eyes is the footballer of the century – Maradona. He scored a goal with his hands (for those who dunno, other than the keeper, outfield players can’t use their hands) in a very important world cup match against England. He later proclaimed ” the goal was scored a little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God ”.

Of course we all know by now that ”the goal was scored a weeeee bit with the brains of Maradona and a lot with the hand of God”.

This was one of the most unsporting behaviour I have known in soccer. Not because i supported England, but because of the audacity of Maradona, who have done something wrong, to proclaim that this was the hand of God. If reports were written correctly, after scoring this controversial goal, England players were protesting to the referee like mad. Of course the referee was beggining to have doubts of allowing the goal. Then cheating Maradona told his teams mates ” come celebrate with me, so that the refereee will allow the goal”. Tadah! Of course the referee allowed it.

If this goal was the most unsporting goal i have ever seen, then the other goal Maradona scored in the same match was the best goal i ever seen. Taking the ball from about the half way line, he dribbled past nearly the whole England team before rounding the keeper and slotting the ball into the net. That England squad wasn’t some sleague team mind you, it had some superstars. And the people he dribbled past included Glenn ”It’s Karma” Hoddle and Terry Butcher.

I know Maradona is the greatest footballer ever. But i guess his character is a bit doubtful. From being not humble, to taking drugs, you name it he did it. But thing is, some people in Argentina think that he is God. There are even churches that ”pray” him. I saw this on a football documentary some years back. Given his enromous talent and how he won the world cup for Argentina, he is a much respected figure.

But this bags the question. ”Its doesn’t matter how many wrongs you have did, as long you did 1 great thing in your life?”

Good man never wins.

Hate Me…

[message on voicemail:] ”Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you’re under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!”

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

United Till I Die~

Let’s talk about football! Long time no talk about footy. So now Chelsea is safely perch at the top, joint with Liverpool. Of course, chelsea have a far superior goal difference and their play have been breath taking, thats why everyone says that Chelsea WILL be champions, while Liverpool MIGHT be champions.

Thing is we have to give Liverpool some credit. After failing to mount a serious challenge for the past 17~18 years in the EPL, this time they look real good. Anfield as usual is a fortress, and playing away, they have also been churning out the results minus the game against tottenham. But still against Tottenham, they shouldnt have lost, it was theirs for the taking, they should have killed off the game. I suspect the ball had a magnet or something when it kept going to hit the post. Against 2 big teams this season, Chelsea and Manchester United, they got a maximum of 6 points. I think last year against the other 3 big teams home and away, they only manage 4? Now they got 6! Against Man u they fully deserve to win, this i should shut up before i draw flak. Against Chelsea, they got an early goal and then close shop, who could blame them? Its Stamford ”unbeaten for 67342 games” Bridge hahahaha. But after singing praises of the club i hate most, of course i have something to add. Firstly, i doubt liverpool could last the race. The depth of the squad don’t look too good (got Pennant in reserve, can how good?!). Secondly, lucky for them, Kuyt is banging in the goals, but please do not forget, he is not really a very good scorer, meaning i believe he will go on a drought soon. Thirdly, as what my friend Cch have said, they have peak too early. Yes, they are not having a form which reads ”Champions form”. Man U is famous for that, but we’ll peak in Feb thank you. Eh but brother Youjun, before he’s going to sent me some hate mails, i want to say that Liverpool doesnt make me sleep anymore. Brilliant flank play by Reira, and great passes by Alonso makes me sit up! Not forgetting gay boy Torres and machine gun Robbie Keane. Very good first 11 indeed. BUT still……… Damn you scoucers hahaha!

Next my favourite team. Manchester United. 4th in the table with a game in hand. And i think we still have a trip to the world club championship. The last time we went to some such competition, got whack and flew back with the whole England laughing at us. Very bad season so far, cannot manage to win any big teams. Though all is away games. But still this is Manchester United you are talking about, so no excuses. We played like crap against Chelsea, we played like crap against liverpool, and against Arsenal, Gary Neville played like crap hahaha. Yes yes, loyal loyal Gary, i know i know. But hey, he seem so slow, i thought Matt Le Tisser could win him in the century sprint. Arsenal didnt have a plan, their tactic was simple – attack Man U’s right side. And there you go, Beckham’s best man was dancing on the right flank. Just that he was not dancing on his own, he was taught the tango by Samir Nasri! Anyways, honestly our midfield need to wake up. We rely too much on 3 person to score already (Wazza, Berba, Ronnie). Anderson need to put in a couple of goals, before we call him a great midfielder. He is good now because he seldom make mistakes, but he also no magic. He just pick up the ball, do his favourite shielding move (backside out and stomach in), dribble and then pass.

Yes i know the weekend gave Manchester United some good results (5-0 Stoke City). But chelsea still won so convincingly that i doubt they would drop any points anytime soon. With Anelka banging in the goals, and Drogba coming back to fitness, they are really a scary team. We have a difficult season Manchurians, but heads up all right!

Fly Me To The Moon Right Now!

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you